Healer more than the Healing

      This is a follow up of last weeks post about why I left the LDS Church and why I choose to return.  This past year has been one of the hardest years of my life for so many different reasons. January of 2017 my family came to Arizona to visit my family, leaving was increadably hard. I stood outside my parents house crying wondering-very literally when was going to be the next time I would come back. I cryed to the airport-2 hours away, cried on the plane, and cried for weeks after getting home.  I never once even thought about moving, and even if I did the thought quickly ended because I knew Shane would never leave East Tennessee.  Funny thing though, within a couple weeks of returning home I heard from at least two people that Shane had told them that he "would move to Arizona if I could."  I thought ok big boy, if thats really what you mean, we are going to start praying about this. At first he thought I was jocking, but soon realized I was totally serious.  It was not until May that Shane had confirmation that we were to move. He randomly had to teach Sunday School and the lesson was from Matthew 26:39, where Jesus is in the Garden of Gethsemane and He asks the Father "O my Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me:nevertheless not as I will, but as thou wilt."  He felt all week as he prepared that, that lesson was intended for him, in reguards to the move.  If that was not enough as it was, we walk upstairs and our preacher preached from that same exact scripture, with just a different emphesis than the Sunday School lesson. He had confirmation that day that we were to move, was it hard, absolutly!!!!!  Shane, even that day had to, unexpectedly tell his parent about the possible move. I am pretty sure that day was one of Shane's worst days of his life. 
           Fast forwarding, the house went on the market, the sale itself was pretty low key, compared to the sale of our last house. We closed on the house September 6th and left that afternoon for the 1900 mile trip to our new home.  If anyone thinks they have a strong marriage or family, just pick and move accross country and just see if it won't put your marriage and your family to the test.  These last 6 months have been extreamly hard. It was what we, in the depths of our souls, thought the Lord was calling us to do.  Does that mean it has been easy, ABSOLUTLY not.  In so many ways it has actually gotten harder since the move.  I have heard so many times from our preacher that when you choose to do the Lord's will it will often get harder. Have there been times that I, we, have second guessed ourselves-maybe we should go back, yes! Have there been times where Shane has been in the truck with the intention of going home, yes.  Has this been extreamly hard on our marriage and on the family as a whole, ABSOLUTLY.  Are we in our own house, or even have any plans, no. Are we getting answers from the Lord as fast as we would like them to come, no. BUT...Does any of that mean that it was not the Father's will that we moved, absolutly not.  If everything had been easy-pesy after the move, than of course it would have been so easy to say..."Well of course it was the Father's will that we move."  We stood by the Lord before the move, knowing that it was His will, it's almost as if the Lord is asking Shane and I "Are you still going to stand by your conviction that it was my will for you to move, even when it gets hard?" 
           Has my choice to return to the LDS Church been hard on my family, most defiantly. Something I have cried countless times over.  "Lord, I never wanted this for my family, for my children to see their parents going to different churches. For my husband and I not to be united in worship." This is a trial that I have prayed over and over to be relieved of, and the relief has not yet come.  One might say, well than just return to the Baptist Church and all will be well.  I would have to reply two things, I believe with all my heart that the Book of Mormon is God's word and that Joseph Smith was a prophet of God just as Abraham, or Elijah (I had to pick those because of my boys ;), and there is no other church on this planet that believes these to be true.  Second, I love my husband and my children, but the Lord has to be number one, so if he is telling me to do something even though it might be hard, don't you think I aught to do it. In much a similar way, Shane and I have gone through trials this year that have been very closely linked. Shane did not want the Lord's will to be for us to move, but he could not deny what the Lord was calling him to do, I did not want the teachings of the LDS church to be true, but I can not deny the truth that the Holy Spirit testified to me of.  Our families have been sadend and effected by our choices, our choices have not been easy, but if its the Lord's will, than no matter how hard it may get, it is the best path.
          With Easter right before us, its kindof ironic that I kept having this feeling to write this follow up to last weeks post. It brings us back to the verse from Shane's Sunday School lesson Matthew 26:39.  Christ, himself asked for the cup to pass from him if it were possibly, but what he wanted even more was for the Father's will to be accomplished.  Could He have said, no, this is too hard, I dont want to do it, absolutly, BUT He didn't. He didn't take the easy way out, He took the HARD way out, that cost Him His life. But like anything in life when we push though the hard things, amazing things happen. When we push through schooling we have a huge satisfaction that we have bettered ourselves. When we exercise hard and eat healthy, to loose weight and to be healthy we have great satisfaction that we have done something good for our bodies.  If Christ had not pushed though the extreem hard times of His last week of life, then He would not have rose from the grave and would not have had victory, we would not have victory.  There is a song I heard just the other day that will help all this come to a close, the title of it is More than Anything by Natalie Grant. This is the chores of it..."Help me want the Healer more than the healing, Help me want the Savior more than the saving, Help me want the Giver more than the giving, Help me want You, Jesus more than anything." We pray so often for trials to end or pass by us, but it is in those trails that the greatest things happen.
         So, do Shane and I still have our trails, have we figured out everything about this move or anything about religious issues, no. We are trying to work through these trials, to the best we know  how to now. We are both trying to focus more on what we still have in common, instead of picking at what is now different about our relationship.  Have either of us mastered any of this no, but we are still trying.  We are doing our best, in the moment, to push though the hard times, in order to reach the glorious times ahead.