Can anyone answer this question in a simple way, I can't.
The only way I can simply put it is I am thankful for God's undeserved mercy and grace upon me.I don't deserve my husband and his hard work, his love and acceptance of me and my crazy quarks. I don't deserve my precious children that the Lord has entrusted me, to care for them. So many times I feel I am showing the way they shouldn't act instead of the way they should act. My only saving grace are prayers that they see Christ though me, through my mistakes, and as madre says to me, "it shows them that you are human too, and make mistakes." I don't deserve the Lords provisions on my life. Do we have money coming out of our ears and all we want and all the kids want, absolutely not. Are our need met, 100% plus far more. We have a house to call home, a beautiful sturdy house, where my kiddos can play outside. We are truly blessed with wonderful neighbors, who are very willing to help us whenever we need them. We live in a country that most defiantly has its problems, but we are free to worship the Lord the way we choose. Our country is blessed, we can go to the grocery store, or not even leave our house and shop for anything and everything we could ever dream of. I don't deserve to be a home-school mom. Three years into this journey, I can honestly say this is by far been our best year. Because the kiddos have changed, absolutely not. Because I have changed. I have tried, emphasis on tried and still trying, to relax. Let them learn their natural way. I have tried to make learning more fun, and try to let them see that learning just doesn't have to be "8-2 Monday through Friday, etc" that learning, can be a way of life, and that learning can be fun. Because the Lord has aloud me to home-school I am able to let the children be who they are and develop individually. Millie is a dancer, if she could she would walk through the house on her hands, and I am waiting on I the day she will be able to. It used to really irritate me that she would get up from a lesson and go do a handstand or a flip. I would make comments like-if you were in school you would not be allowed to do that you would sit in your desk and sit there till your teacher told you to move. The Lord had a little talk with me about that, "Marlene but she is not in school." To a certain extent I can allow her to be her natural self, and as the boys grow older it will be interesting to watch them develop into their own personalities and talents. All that to say I don't deserve to be a home-school mom. Kindergarten and 1st, mainly kindergarten, were some real hard times. Times that bring tears to my eyes when I think about them, and not tears of joy. I expected so much out of my baby girl. I had no clue what I was doing how I was hurting her. This year I started taking the kids outside more often. We would do our reading outside, and they loved it. There truly is some very special about being outside. Whenever I would start to feel stressed with the kids I would tell them come on let's go outside. And after just a few minutes of playing my anxiety and stress would melt away. I don't deserve my family, they have taught me far more, and I am sure will continue to teach me, than I have ever taught them. I am thankful for the health journey I have been on this year. Has it been hard, is it still hard, absolutely, I struggle daily to tell myself no, against sugar and yes to exercise. I am thankful the Lord has helped me to be more faithful to eating healthier and exercising. I don't dread running up and down the stairs ten times a day anymore, like I used to. Which allows me to serve my family better because we are able to do our school work in the area where all my teaching tools are at. I am able to run around the back yard and play tag with Millie and Abram. I am thankful the Lord doesn't give up on me. He has had soooooo many opportunities to do so. It broke my heart in kindergarten and in first Millie would often say " I can't do this, I am no good" it absolutely broke my heart. Part of my hearts desire to home-school was to be the encouragement I know they needed as they grow. One day the Lord spoke to me and said that's how I feel Marlene. The Lord wants us to believe that we can do it, that we can do ALL things THROUGH Him who gives us strength. The Lord wants to be our encouragement, our strength, our rock, our helper, our friend, our shoulder to cry on and so much more. I guess in closing I can say in my heart the Lord is all that to me, and so much more, and so I am blessed far far far beyond what I deserve.
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